What to do when your greatest strength starts holding you hostage

Do you ever think that the things that you are AWESOME at can sometimes be both a blessing and a curse?

Very often the gifts we possess can have a dark side if they are not used in the right way.

I had a wake-up call recently when I realized that the thing that makes me a ROCK STAR mindset coach… also can create some problems in my own life!

This article is to bring awareness to this often overlooked topic, so you can have freedom of choice.

Let me out myself first.

I’m like a crazy ninja with finding mindset blocks.


My ability to zero in and find where the blocks are and why things aren’t working in someone’s life/biz is second to none.

And for my clients, that’s a god-send. Imagine chatting with someone about something you have struggled with for decades, and in 20 minutes it’s found, cleared, and a new pattern can emerge. Clients share things with me that have cost them money and confidence. But they have no idea the what, the why, or the how of where it originated or how they can flip it.

But I can. In crazy-fast ninja fashion, that sucker is GONE.

Then there’s MY life.

Chatting with a girlfriend recently, this is what I discovered.

My mind had been trained to focus on what’s wrong. Like a sniper zeroing in on the target. This is awesome if you are hiring me. But in my own world, if I let this ‘gift’ get out of hand… the result is that there is a whole lot of energy and emphasis on finding WHAT is WRONG. (Of course I’m normally super optimistic, but this can lead me to miss joy because of the desire to get things ‘fixed’ runs the show.)

Now imagine the “What you think about you bring about” adage working here. So my blessing now turns into a curse because instead of seeing the gifts and magic in my life, I’m a bloodhound focusing on what’s not working.

See the problem?

I know I have had to work to overcome my natural gift/inclination that helps me make money and makes a huge difference in the lives of my clients. Left to its own devices, the gift runs riot.

Now let’s look at your gifts/strengths and see the down side if they aren’t balanced out.

Here is what can happen…

You have the gift of details. In fact, you are the absolute “go to guy” when projects need done because everyone knows that you are brilliant in managing all the details. Dark side = you are so focused on the details, that you don’t move things forward. Or you miss opportunity because you aren’t in the future enough to allow for it.

You have a huge heart. Everyone loves you, feels safe with you, and wants to be around you. Dark side = you can allow yourself to be depleted, taken advantage of, or put other people’s needs first.

You are super creative. Ideas are your ‘crack.’ You love playing with possibilities, and you get totally energized in creating new products or launching new things. Dark side = after the idea, there is the implementation. But this stuff is boring, so you either don’t do it, half-ass it, or move on too quickly.

See what I mean?

Every good thing in us and all the parts that make us brilliant in business can also be waaaay out of balance, which causes us to get less than great results.

Here are some ideas for how to handle this.

Admit it! The first step in everything is always to acknowledge what’s true. Do a realistic assessment of how your strength or super-powers are serving YOU and YOUR life. Get real about the cost to you.

Flip it! Oh, this is a tough one because our brains are just wired to be in the groove with what we are doing, so you literally need to re-wire your brain. This can be tricky if it’s really engrained, so you’ll want to start in small little chunks. In my example, that means that I thank my ninja-self for telling me all that’s wrong, but I don’t indulge it as much.  I start my day with gratitude and make sure to focus on what’s working really well.

Support it! It really does take a village. And without someone else in your world calling you on your stuff and helping you see new possibilities, you’ll stay in the same patterns. Find a coach, a friend, or a mastermind group and let them know what you need. If you are a healer or someone who tends to take on others’ energy in service of doing your work, ask a friend or colleague to point out the times they see you neglecting your self-care, or boundaries. You really do need to ask for help with this.

Hope you have enjoyed this article.

Now take some time to find your greatest gift/strength/super-power and really analyze if there is any way that it costs you just a bit too much. (And if you need someone to tell you what’s wrong and how to fix it, I gotcha!)

Therese Skelly is a Mindset Expert and Business Coach who works with mission-driven entrepreneurs. A former psychotherapist, combined with years of marketing/strategy and consulting, Therese offer’s the perfect blend of both “inner game” work and tactical, real world strategies that allow her clients to see the results they desire.



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